Tuesday Rainy Tuesday

Although it’s only Tuesday, I’ve had a good start to the week. I haven’t been in trouble in work (yippee!) and I’ve had a brainwave of going to Wales during the mid-term to visit the person that many mistake as being my other half. I’m looking forward to the prospect of getting away from it all! Even if it is to somewhere that’s just slightly different to here!

I’ve managed to stay positive in school and not feel disheartened – like I said, it’s only Tuesday, so this could change drastically by the time that Friday arrives. There have not been any issues so far with any parents, teachers or students that have made my gut twist or wrench. I’ve had no reason to be upset, no reason to feel down, and no reason to feel despair. I’m in a good place today.

Last night I went to see The Perks of Being a Wallflower. I had bought the book but decided to go to see the movie with two of my cousins before I read it. I must say, I was a little disappointed. I could see the “twist” a mile off. Emma Watson gave a beautiful performance, which added to her enchanting desirability. There were many laugh-out-loud moments and many tearjerkers but, if truth be told, the movie lacked something. If anything, it highlighted the importance of the book. It made me feel that the book must be a million times better and more powerful than the movie and that I simply must read it.

It’s nearing the end of the work day and I am quite tired. WordPress is blocked in the building so it will probably be a while before I get to post this. Sometimes I wonder who actually reads this stuff. I mean, let’s face it. There is little on this site that will be of any use to other people. I said this earlier on Twitter and it’s stuck with me since – “I’m simply having a conversation with a world that’s not listening.” Hits the nail on the head in ways…

Sunday Nights…

Sunday nights are lovely. It’s October and it’s cold and I’m falling on love with Sunday nights. We have  The X Factor – which I really didn’t want to watch this year, its a family oriented night at home, and lets face it, it’s just a great night to sit down and relax.

While Sunday nights are great, the dread of work in the morning is looming over me.

I’ve tried all day to be positive about work. I’ve had happy music on, listened to the audio book of The Secret, and I’ve eaten happy foods. However, I can’t shake the anxious, gut twisting fear of the morning and the week ahead.

Sounds a bit awful doesn’t it? There was a little bit of an incident last week where people got in trouble for things that wasn’t their fault and these things just go to highlight the issue of my constant question “Do I like it here at all?”

I don’t want to dwell on the negative at the moment because I don’t want to be attracting any more negativity or negative events into my life. In the words of The Secret “What you think about, you bring about” and I really couldn’t cope with much more of that at the moment. Usually what I’d do when I’m feeling like this is write poetry about it – but I don’t know if that will make any difference at the moment. I need to learn to accept. I need to learn to detach.

So, I’m going to learn to be. This year is about learning how to discipline. I don’t have to like it. I just have to get through it. I just need to survive it. On the plus side, there are only two weeks left until midterm break! Delighted!

I’m off to watch Downton Abbey! Just another little luxury of Sunday Nights!

Sweet Dreams World x

New School… what I’m learning…

As you might know, I’ve recently started a job in a new school. Its a disadvantaged school and I’m currently in my fourth week of teaching there. I came out of work last week, sat into my car and simply wept. I was completely worn out from the weeks work I had put down. I know that for many people, stress is something that they can deal with and deal with well. I however, am the complete opposite to that in ways. I’ve decided that instead of neglecting my blog altogether that I use it as some form of a diary/venting area where I can get everything off my chest. Now, I know that that is what blogs are for many people but I’m a little bit scared about doing this.
Here’s why…

People, in Ireland anyway, seem to think that teaching is the “cushiest” job going. Particularly secondary school teaching. However, if people knew even half of what tends to happen in the day to day life of a teacher I’m sure that they would start to change their minds. We do not go in, say our bit, and leave. We get attached to students, we get screamed at by hormonal teenagers, we get tormented by the world and it’s mother, and we do not leave our work at work.
By blogging about the world inside the school’s doors, you leave a lot out in the open. Your weaknesses are highlighted in a classroom, as are your strengths, but we always worry about the weaknesses really… Students whisper and stare and, granted, it might have nothing at all to do with you, but you are always a little paranoid. You are involved in the creation of peoples professional lives, their intellectual development, their troubled homes, their scars from their past.
Writing about this is going to be strange. But it feels like it could be one of the only ways that I know how to cope.

So be warned – I’m planning on being honest. I’m going to share my doubts, my fears, my smiles and tears.