One Look
was enough –
to remember everything.
We are not friends.
Not foes.
But mere acquaintances.
I remember the boy you were,
the spark that was there,
the forever that never happened.
Now you are theirs –
Your baby girl
Forever yours;
while you were never mine.
One Look enough
to remember
we are worlds apart,
to remember everything
and admit it’s time
to let it all go.
Forever.
Right now I am on a quest…
While watching the Live episode of Emmerdale (I never watch it but decided to see how they got on due to the copious amount of tweets about it) I decided to do something that has, inevitably, been done a million times over. I decided to compile a playlist of Happy Songs, songs that will cheer me up no matter what mood I’m in! So… here we go… (These are in no particular order by the way!)
1. Here Comes The Sun by The Beatles
In my old secondary school the students pick a graduation song which is the last song they hear at the end of their graduation mass. My one was a weird mix of three songs, only one of which any of us knew. It was a joke and an embarrassment. However, when my brother left the school, this was their graduation song and I fell in love with it. I had never heard a more positive, gentle, encouraging song in my life. It seems to be the only song I can listen to that assures me that there will be good times ahead and that everything will be fine no matter what. Love it.
2. Walking On Sunshine by Katrina and the Waves
Let’s face it, how can anyone listen to this song and not start tapping their feet and jiggling around a bit?! It’s such a feel-good song! (Even as I’m typing this I’m doing a little jiggy/bumpy/boppy sitting-down-dance in my chair… Irresistable!!)
3. All You Need is Love by The Beatles
I don’t think it should be legal for a happy playlist to be compiled that does not contain a Beatles song! Such an unmaterialistic song! Love it!
4. Wake Up It’s a Beautiful Morning by The Boo Radleys
The more I’m listening to these songs the more I’m dancing around the room like a lunatic! This song, I just adore it! Imagine waking up to this every day – you would be the most positive person on the planet. Fact.
5. Glad All Over by The Dave Clark Five
This is the song on the McDonald’s ad. It always makes me happy imagining running in and/or around gigantic Happy Meal boxes! It reminds me of the inner child….or outer…take your pick!
Just putting this post together has put me in the happiest mood EVER! It’s amazing how much of an effect thinking positively can have!
Try doing this – I can promise you it’s worth it!!! 🙂 I’m a seriously happy bunny right now!
Adios Amigos! x
Although it’s only Tuesday, I’ve had a good start to the week. I haven’t been in trouble in work (yippee!) and I’ve had a brainwave of going to Wales during the mid-term to visit the person that many mistake as being my other half. I’m looking forward to the prospect of getting away from it all! Even if it is to somewhere that’s just slightly different to here!
I’ve managed to stay positive in school and not feel disheartened – like I said, it’s only Tuesday, so this could change drastically by the time that Friday arrives. There have not been any issues so far with any parents, teachers or students that have made my gut twist or wrench. I’ve had no reason to be upset, no reason to feel down, and no reason to feel despair. I’m in a good place today.
Last night I went to see The Perks of Being a Wallflower. I had bought the book but decided to go to see the movie with two of my cousins before I read it. I must say, I was a little disappointed. I could see the “twist” a mile off. Emma Watson gave a beautiful performance, which added to her enchanting desirability. There were many laugh-out-loud moments and many tearjerkers but, if truth be told, the movie lacked something. If anything, it highlighted the importance of the book. It made me feel that the book must be a million times better and more powerful than the movie and that I simply must read it.
It’s nearing the end of the work day and I am quite tired. WordPress is blocked in the building so it will probably be a while before I get to post this. Sometimes I wonder who actually reads this stuff. I mean, let’s face it. There is little on this site that will be of any use to other people. I said this earlier on Twitter and it’s stuck with me since – “I’m simply having a conversation with a world that’s not listening.” Hits the nail on the head in ways…
Breathing comes easy to those who sleep.
Words are formed with
Hearts and minds
Whose dreams are shattered
From hands that sneak.
Pages are turned so I forget.
Memories lost to
Worlds and lives
That exist so distantly,
More distant yet.
Footsteps fall with mechanical pace.
Moves are made by
Heartless shells with
Nothing more than
lack of grace.
Sunday nights are lovely. It’s October and it’s cold and I’m falling on love with Sunday nights. We have The X Factor – which I really didn’t want to watch this year, its a family oriented night at home, and lets face it, it’s just a great night to sit down and relax.
While Sunday nights are great, the dread of work in the morning is looming over me.
I’ve tried all day to be positive about work. I’ve had happy music on, listened to the audio book of The Secret, and I’ve eaten happy foods. However, I can’t shake the anxious, gut twisting fear of the morning and the week ahead.
Sounds a bit awful doesn’t it? There was a little bit of an incident last week where people got in trouble for things that wasn’t their fault and these things just go to highlight the issue of my constant question “Do I like it here at all?”
I don’t want to dwell on the negative at the moment because I don’t want to be attracting any more negativity or negative events into my life. In the words of The Secret “What you think about, you bring about” and I really couldn’t cope with much more of that at the moment. Usually what I’d do when I’m feeling like this is write poetry about it – but I don’t know if that will make any difference at the moment. I need to learn to accept. I need to learn to detach.
So, I’m going to learn to be. This year is about learning how to discipline. I don’t have to like it. I just have to get through it. I just need to survive it. On the plus side, there are only two weeks left until midterm break! Delighted!
I’m off to watch Downton Abbey! Just another little luxury of Sunday Nights!
Sweet Dreams World x
Today I feel like absolute shit.
Its my day off. My one day off. And I feel awful.
Last night I went to an engagement party. It was a good party. It was great in fact. But I feel so seriously alone, so lonely. I’m starting to worry that I’ll never find the man of my dreams, that I’ll never attain such happiness. Loneliness doesn’t even really describe it if I’m honest. And I don’t want to talk too much about this emptiness that I feel because that black hole will only suck me in deeper and knock down any way I have of climbing out.
I’ve fought with my family all day. They don’t seem to understand the idea of double standards and how they so readily enforce them. I say one thing and the tables are turned and its all my fault. Granted, I’m not in good form and what I may have said might have just pissed them off that little bit more, but that’s no excuse to make me out to be the bad guy in the scenario.
I don’t know if I like the school I’m in. The students don’t care, the teachers don’t care, the BOM doesn’t care. I feel like I’m working my ass off for absolutely nothing. I’m working two jobs and feel so completely run down. I’ve got the career I’ve worked so hard for and I’m currently not enjoying it all that much.
To sum up. Life is pretty shitty atm. I’m alone, tired and stressed. I’m afraid.
Its late and I can’t sleep. I have this urge to write but I’ve got nothing substantial to write about. My mind is a maze of thoughts and feelings and I know that none of them really intertwine enough to make anything even mildly comprehensive… While at times I’m sure that, to some, I might sound intelligent and normal; I feel really young and teen-like tonight…help – I’m becoming my pupils! Perhaps even listing off what is on my mind will help me relax and finally find sleep…
-How I love Santa Maria by the Frames. There is a certain magic hidden within this song that I fell in love with the second I heard it over 7 years ago – Have a listen and let me know what you think!
-How Saturday night will be interesting because someone unexpected will probably turn up and make things really awkward all round… God damn immature people and their compulsive need for drama
– How disheartening it is to be working where I’m working….Something major needs to happen to turn the place around…
– How I miss my best friend…why you need to go to college in a different country and be so far away is beyond me 😦
– How I’m slowly but surely getting interested in One Direction… I might be 24 but I like them… Respect!
– How I hope to get tickets to go to see Ed Sheeran tomorrow morning
– How I hope I’m not taxed too much with my wages tomorrow…
– How sick I was today…not nice.. hope I’m better tomorrow!
– How I HAVE to read the new JK Rowling book… even though nothing could ever impress as much as the Harry Potter series (mmmm Rupert!)
– How much I want to try to do something to help these girls in school… I need something to make them believe that they can achieve more than what they think they can… I need to do something out-of-this-world fantastic…
-How tired I am! 🙂
– How there’s this little feeling inside me telling me that something great is going to happen soon and I feel like I’m waiting for it (I don’t even know if that even makes sense to anyone that doesn’t live inside my brain?!)
– How its payday tomorrow! I’m getting my first payment from a school for teaching! My first pay packet from my career!!! 🙂 Exciting!!!
Hopefully having this on paper/screen will help me let it all go and sleep…
Listen to the song!!! They’re Irish, they’re great… the song is perfect! 🙂
Sweetest of dreams to you all! x
As you might know, I’ve recently started a job in a new school. Its a disadvantaged school and I’m currently in my fourth week of teaching there. I came out of work last week, sat into my car and simply wept. I was completely worn out from the weeks work I had put down. I know that for many people, stress is something that they can deal with and deal with well. I however, am the complete opposite to that in ways. I’ve decided that instead of neglecting my blog altogether that I use it as some form of a diary/venting area where I can get everything off my chest. Now, I know that that is what blogs are for many people but I’m a little bit scared about doing this.
Here’s why…
People, in Ireland anyway, seem to think that teaching is the “cushiest” job going. Particularly secondary school teaching. However, if people knew even half of what tends to happen in the day to day life of a teacher I’m sure that they would start to change their minds. We do not go in, say our bit, and leave. We get attached to students, we get screamed at by hormonal teenagers, we get tormented by the world and it’s mother, and we do not leave our work at work.
By blogging about the world inside the school’s doors, you leave a lot out in the open. Your weaknesses are highlighted in a classroom, as are your strengths, but we always worry about the weaknesses really… Students whisper and stare and, granted, it might have nothing at all to do with you, but you are always a little paranoid. You are involved in the creation of peoples professional lives, their intellectual development, their troubled homes, their scars from their past.
Writing about this is going to be strange. But it feels like it could be one of the only ways that I know how to cope.
So be warned – I’m planning on being honest. I’m going to share my doubts, my fears, my smiles and tears.
Thought Autopsy 